Coming Clean
by edwart
Summary: After Jacob's disastrous Birthday Party, Edward and Bella decide it's time to tell Jacob the truth of what really happened that night - even though he will surely be humiliated. Pure Parody, read 'The Third Wheel' first. One Shot.


_Summary: After Jacob's disastrous Birthday party, Bella and Edward decide it's time to tell him the truth of what really happened. _

_I do not in any way own 'Twilight', the characters, or anything. This is purely for fun, and for entertainment purposes only. _

* * *

JPOV

My head spinning, I sat up and examined the damage. I couldn't remember anything from last night, the last memory I had was of drinking with the rest of the pack, a 'birthday tradition' for kids of the reservation, as they'd put it. I moaned as the dizziness set in, rubbing my fingers through my hair and my scalp.

"How'd you feel, Jake?" My father asked, using the wheel of his chair to prop my bedroom door open.

"Like my tongue is wearing a sweater," I replied miserably.

He chuckled once.

"Serves you right. Maybe you should go call Bella, she said she wants to talk to you."

_Oh no._

I remembered inviting Bella, in my drunken haze, to a party. Had I completely humiliated myself in front of her? Of course I had.

I just prayed I didn't do any permanent damage, that I hadn't ruined our friendship in the process. Bet Cullen would _love_ that. He would be ecstatic if Bella stopped seeing me.

_Ugh._

I twisted my body around, placing my feet on the floorboards before I stood. I had to steady myself on the small dresser, and use it to keep me up straight as I walked to the door, replacing the dresser with the door frame.

I pulled the small phone from its hook on the wall, and held it lazily against my ear, propping my elbow on the kitchen counter as I dialled Bella's number.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Hey, Bells. It's me," I muttered.

"Oh, Jake. You sound terrible? Hangover, huh?

"Yep," I replied, twisting my fingers through the phone cord while I tried to concentrate and fight off the dizziness. "So, what did I _do_ last night? Was it really bad."

There was a long pause, and I heard the quite muffling of voices, as if Bella had put her palm against the phone so that I wouldn't hear.

"Um, I think it's best if we talk about this in person, Jake."

"Oh god," I muttered, leaning my body against the counter. "It's _that_ bad!"

"Jake, calm down, okay? There's just a lot to talk about, it's not bad, just…Let's just do it in person, okay? Come over to Charlie's."

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit."

She said a quiet goodbye and hung up.

* * *

I parked the Rabbit in the driveway and got out, still moving slowly as a result of my headache. I rolled my eyes as I spotted Cullen's shiny Volvo parked behind Bella's truck on the side of the road. Of course he'd be here. No way he'd leave her alone with me.

He probably wanted to gloat.

Then again, he probably practically _lived_ here, he was so possessive of Bella that he probably spends day and night with her, never leaving her alone.

I slumped up the stairs, holding onto the railing for support. I pressed my huge thumb against the small doorbell and heard footsteps.

Bella pulled the door open, and smiled kindly at me.

"Come in, Jake."

I wiped my shoes and followed her into the living room, shutting the door behind me.

Cullen sat on the couch, his arms resting on the faded loveseat's armrest. He looked _too_ comfortable, like this was his second home, like he'd spent a lot of time on that couch.

"Jacob, how are you?" He said, his voice sounding purposefully polite.

I shrugged.

"I'm not dead."

"And we sure are glad about that," Bella said quickly, her eyes moving from my face to Edward. "Sit down Jake."

I obeyed her request and sat in the chair opposite Cullen. Bella, _of course_, sat down beside her bloodsucker, and I had to fight off the urge to gag when he pulled her against him, resting her head on his shoulder, and then placing his chin atop her head.

"So, let's just get this over with. What happened last night?"

"Well," Bella began. "You were _very_ drunk."

"Yep," I said impatiently, "Gathered that much."

Edward slightly bared his teeth at me, probably annoyed at me for interrupting Bella.

_Jeez, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Get over it, she doesn't even look upset._

He relaxed his mouth again.

"And we went to your house and then-"

"Wait what?" I asked, "What do you mean by _we_?"

"Edward and I," she said, confused. "You invited us both to your birthday party, remember?"

"Well, I certainly _don't _remember that. But whatever, continue."

"So we got to your house and you seemed really surprised to see Edward there, but then I reminded you that you had invited him as well, so you let us both in."

"After you insulted Bella, of course," Edward muttered bitterly.

"What? What did I say, Bells?"

"I believe you referred to Bella as a 'Filthy lass'," Edward said, wrapping his arm a little tighter around Bella's waist.

"I asked _Bella_," I said, standing up, annoyed at _his_ constant presence, annoyed because I'd hurt Bella's feelings, annoyed because I couldn't remember a damn thing.

Edward followed suit, gently moving Bella off him to stand in my face.

"Stop it!" Bella said. "Can't we be _civil _here? At least?"

Edward turned back and took his place again, inviting Bella to rejoin him. She took up his offer so I sat back down.

"Sorry, Bells."

"It's okay, Jake," she said, smiling a little.

"So what happened next?" I asked.

"Well, we went inside, sat down, and gave you your presents. I got you this car and Edward got you a journal - which, by the way, you seemed to _really_ like."

"Hmm," I pondered. "I wonder where I left them."

She shrugged and continued.

"Then we played twister, and you got a little too close to Edward," Bella said, gazing up at her vampire. Both Edward and I shuddered.

"Ew," I muttered.

"And we played musical chairs - you won. Then you gave us these girly party favors. Gave us a hug and then we left. By the way, Edward and I agreed to not tell you about all of this - we didn't want to embarrass you. But, I think you have a right to now, I mean, you'll probably remember soon."

I nodded.

"Well," I said quietly. "That sure is a lot to take in."

Bella nodded.

"I owe you an apology," I said, swallowing the bile in my throat as I contemplated what I'd say next. It stung like venom to say it. "And to you too, Edward."

_Ugh._

"I appreciate it," he said.

"Yeah," Bella smiled. "Me too. And Jake, don't feel bad. You were drunk, you weren't yourself, we know that."

"Thanks," I said, standing up. "Hey, you guys didn't tell anyone about this, did you?"

They both paused, Bella bit her lip and glanced at Edward.

"We…Kind of told Edward's family," Bella said quietly. "Um, because, you know, we went there afterwards, so…," She glanced at the floor, blushing. Edward rubbed her back.

"_Great_, I bet that the big one can't _wait_ to mock me for this."

"Emmett wouldn't," Bella said reassuringly. "Besides, when will you see them next? They'll forget it about it in a couple of days."

I nodded, hoping that the humiliation was finally over.

* * *

Thoughts? (:

p.s there will be one more final one shot for this little story. I'll have it up ASAP.


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